'You can thank me for this lot!'
Thursday 21st May 2009
As the passengers spilled off the plane, I scanned their faces anxiously. 'This is madness,' I muttered. Me, someone so level-headed that I plan my dinners a week in advance, waiting for a bloke I hadn't seen in 16 years. What if I didn't recognise him? Tor Kristiansen, 42, my ex, was bound to have changed since the last time I'd seen him. I mean, back then, he'd been on stage, wearing nothing but a G-string and a coating of baby oil…
I'd first met Tor on a girls' night out to see The Chippendales, the male stripping dance troupe. Even the dance music pumping out of giant speakers at The Strand Theatre in London that night couldn't drown out the cheers and wolf whistles of the all-female audience. The air was thick with perfume and hormones. At 19, I'd never seen anything like it. The stage was a sea of rippling six packs, and glistening biceps. But there was one man in particular I couldn't take my eyes off. With brown eyes and a buff body, Tor was the fittest bloke I'd ever seen. After the show, I queued to have my photo taken with him. And that's when something amazing happened. 'We should go out,' Tor smiled. I was being asked out by a real-life Adonis! 'I live in San Pedro, California,' he explained. 'But we're touring here for months.' Talk about glamorous. His life involved a different town every night, staying in nice hotels… It beat working in a bank, like me.
Luckily, I got a taste of that glamour too, when I visited Tor at weekends. It was so much fun partying with him and his fellow Chippendales. I was sleeping with a man who thousands of women lusted after, getting a private show night after night. But when the nine-month tour came to an end, the boys went home. With an ocean separating us, I had to end it. It was sad, but life moved on. I started my own estate agency, met a new bloke, and had my son, Harry, now 6. But I never forgot how part of my success was down to Tor. When we'd started going out, I was really shy, but after nine months with The Chippendales, I'd become a different girl. You try being shy when you're surrounded by 20 half-naked lads! So when a friend told me Tor was on MySpace back in August 2008, I looked him up straight away. Same brown eyes, same toned body… He'd hardly aged at all.
Hi Tor, I wrote. You probably don't remember me… Within hours, I had a reply. I can't believe it's you. I've often wondered about you. We swapped numbers, and when we spoke, his accent flooded my mind with happy memories. Tor told me he was working as a longshoreman now, and had twin daughters, but he'd separated from their mum. I told him about how I'd split up with Harry's dad. When he said he'd like to come and visit me, I didn't hesitate. So, now, here I was at the airport, sick with nerves. Then I saw him. In jeans and a clingy T-shirt, he walked through the doors. It was like he'd come straight out of an aftershave advert. 'Hi,' I said, going in for an clumsy hug. 'It's nice to see you.' Those first few days were awkward, to say the least. 'Err, cup of tea?' I asked, showing him into my kitchen. 'Lovely,' he replied. All those rowdy nights out we'd shared back in the 90s, and now we were behaving like a pair of old ladies!
'Let's get away,' I suggested on impulse. 'We could go to Spain.' Neutral ground was just what we needed, and landing in Marbella, the tension melted away. 'I'm so glad you got back in touch,' Tor said over a glass of wine. Before long, we were giggling about old times and sharing a kiss. But there was a problem. 'How can it work between us?' I asked. 'You live in California.' Neither of us could move because of our kids. 'We'll just have to visit,' Tor said. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I was happy. When Tor flew back to the US after two weeks, we'd already arranged for me to visit. 'You can meet up with some of the former Chippendales,' he said. Now that was a reunion I was looking forward to! 'Remember what we used to get up to?' we laughed over dinner. As I looked round at the boys, I had an idea. 'You should go on tour again,' I suggested. Everyone cracked up. Like Tor, they all had normal jobs and families. But I reckoned it wasn't such a silly idea. They were in their 40s, but they'd all kept their amazing bodies. 'Seriously,' I insisted. 'I know my mates would buy tickets.' They didn't take much convincing. Especially when I said I'd sort everything out, from booking a choreographer, to sorting out venues and publicity.
I got to work the second I landed back in the UK. I was out of my depth, after all, I'd only ever worked in an estate agents and a bank, and now I was organising a national tour. But I loved every minute. With a lot of help, I managed it, and the Here Come The Boys 45-date tour starts in May. As well as the blokes I watched perform on stage back in the 90s, there are five new faces, and bodies, to check out. Yet again, Tor inspired me to do something brilliant. Even better, I'll be able to spend more time with him. Until then, we speak every day. I'm planning to meet his twin daughters, Tyra and Tori, 14, and he and Harry get on brilliantly. He really looks up to Tor 'I want to be in Here Come The Boys when I grow up,' he told me. The tour kicks off next week in Liverpool and I'll be at every show. The boys may have calmed down a lot since the 90s, but they still need someone to keep them in line. Having 12 fit blokes drag you out of working in a bank, then strip off in front of you every night, is a tough job, but someone's got to do it. Even better, I get to take one of them home!