Too mini to be a mum…but look at me now
Saturday 11th July 2009
If you saw me walking down the street carrying my little girl, Freya, I bet you'd stare. Maybe you'd think I'm a very young mum, or that I just look weird. But I'm just a normal mum, and Freya's my dream come true. Ever since I got together with my boyfriend, Paul, now 37, in 1995, we'd wanted to have a family. What we didn't know was whether we'd be able to. I was born with spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita (SEDC) a bone growth disorder similar to dwarfism, which means I'm only 3ft 9in.
When I was a teenager, doctors thought that because of the scoliosis in my spine and my small lungs, I wouldn't be able to support a pregnancy. I'd hadn't given it much thought. Until I'd turned 19 and met Paul, that is. He was 5ft 9in, two feet taller than me, but we had loads in common, and three years later, on my 21st birthday, he proposed. Suddenly kids didn't seem so far off. 'What if I can't carry a baby?' I worried. I needed to know for sure whether or not I'd be able to have a child, so my GP referred me to Pendlebury Hospital, Manchester, for tests. After a tense month, we went back for the results. My heart pounded as we stepped into the consultant's room. 'You're fine to go ahead,' he smiled. 'But there's a 50/50 chance your baby will have SEDC too.' 'That's brilliant news,' I smiled.
It didn't matter to me there was a chance our baby could have the same condition as me. Knowing there was a family in our future, we put our weddings plans in motion. I got a dress made, choosing a white gown embroidered with crystals, and ordered some shoes in a kids' size 13, with a 3.5in heel of course! In June 2005, when I walked up the aisle at Ridgmont House, in Horwich, I felt 10ft tall.
Even better, just a month on, I found out I was pregnant. It was so exciting. Even more so when I had my first scan at eight weeks. My heart raced as I saw that blob on the screen. 'We can't tell yet if the baby has SEDC,' the doctor said. That wouldn't show up until the 24-week scan. 'I already know,' I confessed to Paul in the car home. 'Our baby is going to be like its mum.' Call it instinct, but I just knew.
As the weeks passed, I didn't feel ill, but I was so certain my baby would have SEDC, I stocked up on special bottles for babies with cleft palates, a symptom of the condition that I'd had corrected as a toddler. Not everything we needed for our little one was so easy to buy. 'Look at this,' I said, stretching to reach the handles of a pushchair. 'Well, that won't do,' Paul laughed. I couldn't even see over the top of the buggy. But there's always a way around such things. After all, Paul had adapted our house so everything was within my reach. So we went online and found a height-adjustable pram and a low cot. I already suspected I was having a girl, but it was confirmed at my 20-week scan. I couldn't fit into my kids' size trousers any more, but adult maternity clothes were massive. 'I'm as wide as I am tall,' I grumbled to Paul.
At 24 weeks, I was back at the hospital for a scan. 'Your baby has SEDC,' the doctor confirmed. 'Her limbs are only measuring what they should at 19 weeks.' Because of my narrow pelvis, I couldn't give birth naturally so, at 33 weeks, I was admitted to St Mary's Hospital, Manchester, for a Caesarean section. 'Please let her be OK,' I whispered as the surgeons got to work. 'She's beautiful,' Paul said, before the nurse whisked her way. Suddenly, panic hit me. 'She's not crying!' I yelled. 'What's wrong?' 'We've taken her to special care,' the surgeon explained. 'Your daughter's very little and having trouble breathing.'
I'd assumed she'd be OK, but now, the reality hit me. What if my daughter wasn't OK? What if she was too small to survive? It was the next day before I could see her, and nothing could have prepared me for how tiny she really was. When I saw her 3lb 8oz body, I felt a rush of love. 'Hello, Freya,' I said. 'I'm your mummy.' Yes, she was tiny, but the moment I saw her, I knew she'd be OK. She had a cleft palate, so she needed to be fed with a tube, and it was three months before I brought her home.
Freya is almost 1 now, and I love being a mum. An operation to sort out her clef palate is scheduled any day now. She's 9lb 12oz, and I'm finally able to dress her in all those newborn clothes I splashed out on. Freya is going to be small like me, but so what? If I can cope with it, I'm sure she'll do just fine. Most importantly, Freya will grow up seeing that her mum is small, but that's the only thing that makes me different from other mums. I've got a husband who loves me and a happy family, and I'm confident Freya will be able to have all that too. So let 'em stare!