The labour ward loverat
Thursday 26th March 2009
As well as exhausted mums and newborn babies, anxious dads pacing up and down is all part and parcel of being on a maternity ward, right? But my husband, Luke, 30, looked a lot more stressed than any of the other proud new dads. 'I need to get out of here,' he said. Too sad to say anything, I just gazed at our hour-old son, Isaac, sleeping in the cot next to me. 'You'll stay here with Jo, won't you?' Luke asked my mum, Jennifer, 56. Mum looked at me just as a tear trickled down my cheek. 'Just go, Luke,' she snapped. He didn't need telling twice.
As the door slammed shut behind him, I cried my heart out. 'I thought this would be over once he saw the baby,' I sobbed. 'I thought we'd be a family again.' Back in December 2005, when I'd told Luke I was pregnant, everything had been perfect. We'd been together for nine years, and happily married for four. We already had Eden, 6, and Nathaniel, 2. Luke was my best friend, and still made me laugh as hard as he did when we first met. When I fell pregnant with our third child, we were both so happy. But just four months later, something changed. Luke became snappy and distracted, and started working all hours at the local Iceland, where he was a supervisor. Things came to a head at the start of June, when I was six months gone. 'I'm going to stay with Mum and Dad for a while,' he announced. 'I need to think.'
'Please don't go,' I begged, but he'd already packed a bag. I tormented myself with questions. To my relief, Luke often came over to see the kids. We even slept together as usual. 'I miss you,' he said, over and over again. 'I'm just confused.' He was confused? I was the one whose family had been shattered for no reason. But then I found out what was really going on. Bex Barker. She was a checkout girl at Iceland. 'We've been getting close,' Luke confessed one night. 'We've kissed.' I'd met Bex at one of Luke's work dos. She was slim with dark hair. And young. Only 20, tops. 'Are you having an affair?' I asked. 'God no,' Luke insisted. 'We've only kissed once. I love you.'
Call me naive, but I believed him. And in a weird way, I was relieved to have everything out in the open. So he'd had a moment of doubt. It wasn't the end of the world. All that mattered was getting our family back together. And after that revelation, Luke moved back in for good. Even when he later confessed he'd slept with Bex, I forgave him.
I'm not saying I wasn't hurt. Deep down, I was crushed. But I knew that once the baby was born, he'd forget about this other woman. He held my hand while I was in labour, at St Mary's Hospital, Newport, but now Isaac had been born, Luke just wanted to escape. And there were no prizes for guessing where to. 'Why does he keep saying he wants to be with me?' I sobbed to Mum. 'Is he lying?'With hormones pulsing through me, I didn't know what to think. So I just clung to the hope that Luke was off to dump Bex for good.
The next afternoon, Mum and I took Isaac home. 'Luke's taken Nathaniel out,'
Mum told me. He wasn't answering his mobile, so she went to look for him with Eden.
'How could your daddy want to be anywhere but here?' I whispered to Isaac, as I settled down to breastfeed. Just then, Mum came back. 'I bumped into someone who wants to talk to you,' she said awkwardly, as a girl stepped out from behind her. Bex!
Mum had gone to look for Luke and Nathaniel at Jolly Rogers Plaice, a local indoor play centre. Bex had been visiting her sister who worked there. She'd recognised Eden and had got chatting to her and Mum. I was a mess. I had dirty hair and was wearing my baggy maternity clothes. The last person I wanted to meet was my love rival. Bex slunk in and sat on the floor opposite me. She looked like a kid. 'Is it true you're still sleeping with Luke?' she asked. 'Of course it is,' I snapped. 'He's my husband.' Who did she think she was? Bex started to cry. It was surreal. I was the wronged wife, but she was the one sobbing. 'He said your marriage was dead,' she cried. News to me. Even now, Luke was saying he wanted to keep our family together. Had he been telling us both what we wanted to hear?
Just then, Luke came storming in. Thankfully, Mum had taken the kids upstairs. 'Tell her!' I shouted, desperate for him to explain to Bex that she was a mistake. But he marched past me and knelt down next to her. Get rid of her, I urged him silently. Tell her to leave us alone. Instead, the world went into slow motion as he took her hand. 'I don't love you any more,' he said, looking me in the eye for the first time since Isaac had been born. 'I love Bex.' I was breastfeeding our newborn son, and Luke was telling me he was leaving us for someone else? 'Please Luke,' I begged. 'You're not thinking straight…' 'I want to be with you,' he said to Bex, ignoring me completely. His words cut like a knife. 'You lied to me,' Bex shouted. 'You've been sleeping with her.'
As I sat there, they started rowing, with Luke begging Bex to take him back. This wasn't the Luke I knew. He'd never have been so cruel. What happened next was a blur. It was like I rose up out of my body and was watching a scene from a soap. Bex shouting at Luke, then storming out… Luke racing after her, before coming back alone… I watched myself lose all dignity as I begged him not to leave me… Our baby was 1 day old and he was leaving me for his mistress! 'Please stay,' I sobbed. 'I'll do anything. I'll take you to London to see your favourite band.' Sounds ridiculous. But I was so desperate, I'd have said anything. But Luke just shook his head. 'Go and have your fun with Bex then,' I cried. 'Just come back to me afterwards.' 'I don't want to,' he snapped back. 'I don't love you, Jo.'
I should have chucked him out there and then. But all I could think about was how desperately I didn't want to be a single mum. I persuaded him to stay the night, but the next day, he left. I couldn't watch him go. On the phone to Mum, I cried so hard, I could hardly speak. 'You're coming to stay with me,' she said, and was round to pick the four of us up within half-an-hour. 'I won't ever get over this,' I sobbed. 'You will,' she promised. I didn't hear from Luke for a month, but then he called to arrange to see the kids. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him, so Mum agreed to take the kids to him. It still didn't seem real. Somehow though, life carried on as normal. There were still PE kits to wash and lunchboxes to fill. And it's true what they say about time being a healer.
Isaac's 2-and-a-half now, and Luke and Bex have split, but not before they had a child.
I'm trying not to be bitter with Luke when he sees the kids. Whatever happened between us, he's a good dad. I laugh when I think how pathetic I was, begging him to stay. He should have been the one begging me for forgiveness. But although I was scared, being a single mum isn't as bad as I feared. And I know that just because Luke left us, it doesn't mean the kids and I are any less of a family. 'I think you should get a boyfriend, Mum,' Eden said to me the other day. And for the first time since Luke left, I think she might be right.
Luke Davis says: 'I admit I was seeing Bex while Jo was pregnant, and that I told Jo I was leaving her on the day Isaac came out of hospital, but I don't think she was breastfeeding him at the time. I'd fallen in love with Bex. I'm sorry for hurting Jo.'
Bex Barker says: 'My relationship with Luke must have been devastating for Jo and her children. I deeply regret what happened. Luke just wanted to have his cake and eat it.
I had a lucky escape. I wish I'd known then what I know now.'