The killer in our midst
The last happy family holiday
Thursday 21st June 2007
In our family, games of Trivial Pursuit were as competitive as the Olympics.
'We won!' my daughter, Helen, 30, cried.
Her fiancé, Steven Balme, 34, who we called Barney, gave her a high-five.
The rest of the family rolled their eyes
'Who wants another drink?' Barney asked.
One hand was followed by another, then another. As everyone huddled together in front of the telly, I felt a glow of contentment and happiness.
This had been such a great family holiday. We'd rented a house in Anglesey that was big enough for the entire family. Apart from Helen and Barney, my other children, Paul, 45, David, 43, Jane, 40, and Steven, 32, were also there with their families. There were 11 of us in total.
We spent our days on the beach and every night, we took it in turns to cook. Tonight, Barney had rustled up corned beef hash. This was a special time for Helen and Barney. Just a couple of days before the holiday, and after dating for a year, Barney had popped the question.
I was so pleased for them. Helen had just completed her first year of nursing training and, although Barney was working as a labourer, he had big plans to take a degree in marine biology.
Back home in Halifax, I waved to Helen as she wheeled her suitcase back to her first-floor flat. My son, David, and I lived in a two-bedroom house just across the street from Helen.
How did my little girl suddenly become so grown up?
On Sunday morning, I gave Helen a quick ring.
'I'm meeting Cath down the pub tonight,' she said.
Cath O'Hara, 30, was Helen's best mate.
'Have fun,' I said.
The next day, I noticed that Helen's bedroom curtains hadn't been opened.
'Probably feeling a little worse for wear,' I chuckled.
That evening, I planned to pop over, but just as we settled in front of the telly, I noticed a police officer running up my drive.
'Are you Helen Stokes' mother?' the young woman asked.
'Yes,' I replied.
'We've had reports of an incident at her flat. Do you have a key to the front door?' she asked.
What sort of incident?
Shoving Helen's spare key towards the officer, I watched her run back across the street.
Several police cars had pulled up outside the flat.
'I'll go and see what's happening,' David said.
I couldn't bear to think about it, so instead, I phoned the rest of the family. Within minutes their cars pulled up, one by one. Cath raced round, too.
'The taxi dropped me off before Helen,' she said. 'She was fine then.'
Suddenly, I spotted an officer looping blue police tape round the entrance to the flats.
I couldn't keep my panic at bay any longer.
'What aren't they telling us anything?' I shrieked.
An hour-and-a-half after I'd handed over the keys, two officers came to the door.
'A young woman has been found dead,' the female officer announced.
A bolt of pain hit my chest.
'Helen?' I gasped.
'We can't confirm that yet,' the officer said.
As she handed me a form to sign to so they could search Helen's belongings, I spotted the word 'murder' and felt the room sway. The police asked if Helen had any distinguishing marks.
'S-She has a tattoo of an eagle on her right shoulder,' I stammered.
After an agonising three-hour wait, our worst fears were confirmed.
Helen had died after suffering head injuries.
'We're pretty sure her partner did it,' the officer said. 'He's gone on the run.'
There had to be some mistake. Barney loved Helen. This had to be due to a tragic accident.
As I dissolved into tears, Helen's brothers and sister sat in silence. In the early hours, they made their way home. Soon it was just me, David and Jane left, huddled round the
dining room table. None of us slept that night.
By daybreak, Helen's flat was still overrun with the forensic team. It was 4pm that afternoon
when they finally took her body to the mortuary at Calderdale Royal — the same hospital where she'd been training. At 11pm, I was finally allowed to see my daughter. I can't describe the horror.
Her body was covered by a white sheet, except for her hands, while her face was hidden under a separate white, lace cloth.
'We advise you not to look at her face,' the coroner said.
Battling with waves of nausea, I lifted the edge of the cloth just enough to stroke her long, dark hair. Then I slipped my hand into hers and wept.
'I love you,' I whispered.
Our world had been shattered, but, two days later, Steven turned up with the local paper.
A report said that as well as head injuries, Helen had been strangled.
'Barney strangled her?' I gasped.
Apparently he'd taken an overdose and was in hospital. Three days later, he was charged with Helen's murder.
I thought back to our holiday and sobbed. Were there any clues that he was capable of such violence? No. Was Helen showing any signs that she was being abused? Absolutely not.
I still couldn't believe she'd gone.
The police released notes, left in the bedroom by Barney, to help us understand. They rambled on about Helen taking cocaine that night.
'Lies!' I spat, as I read on.
We always said we would end up like Sid and Nancy, he wrote. He was referring to the Sex Pistols' bass player Sid Vicious, who murdered his girlfriend Nancy Spungen, then killed himself with a heroin overdose.
'Why?' I gasped.
I obviously didn't understand their relationship at all.
The inquest unveiled more shocking details. Barney had attacked Helen with a lump hammer. Then he'd wrapped his belt round her neck and strangled her before masturbating beside
my daughter's lifeless body. Sick, sick, sick!
By the time Barney pleaded guilty at Leeds Crown Court, in March this year, I wasn't sure how much more I could take.The court heard that Helen and Barney had argued. He claimed she'd been taking cocaine, even though the postmortem showed no sign of drugs in her system. A red mist descended and he attacked her.
After cuddling her body all night, he stole Helen's credit card and withdrew £330, before travelling to Manchester. Later that day, he texted his friend a confession.She pushed me to the limits, so I smashed her head in, he wrote. She's as dead as a door nail, he'd written.
The court also heard that a month before Helen died, Barney had been overheard threatening to break her neck.
'I never knew him at all,' I wept.
That's what's so scary.
As the judge jailed Barney for life, I realised that the happy couple I saw was just a mirage.
Which is why, three months on, I'm begging every parent to make sure their kids are safe and happy. I welcomed a murderer into my home and didn't have a clue. I don't want you to do the same.
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