My husband wanted to become my wife!
Monday 12th November 2007
Giggling, me and my mate, Karl Ellis, 20, ran upstairs to my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I gave a wicked grin.
'Don't worry, no one will come in without knocking first,' I told him.
I was 16 and knew what Karl had in mind.
'Can I?' he asked.
'Go on then,' I smiled, lying back on my bed.
I'd known Karl for four years, would have done anything for him. But now, as he ogled my ample boobs, I knew it was more in admiration than lust. Because it wasn't my body he wanted, it was my clothes.
Grinning, Karl slipped one of my stretchy size 14 tops over his manly chest.
'How do I look?' he said, giving me a twirl.
Karl, my best mate, had confessed his fetish for dressing in women's clothes a few months earlier.
'I'm not gay,' he'd said. 'I've just always wondered what it's like to be a woman,'
'You're having a laugh!' I'd giggled.
Karl was 6ft 5in tall for goodness sake.
But he was serious.
'Don't tell anyone,' he begged. 'Not even my girlfriend knows.'
Flattered he'd trusted me with his secret, I let Karl come to my place for secret dressing-up sessions. Then one night, a year later, we were out clubbing, when we started kissing. Strange I know. Karl was my cross-dressing best mate. But there'd always been an attraction between us.
So a month later, in September 2002, Karl had broken up with his girlfriend and we'd got our own flat. There Karl had the freedom to dress up whenever he liked. It might sound strange but it didn't bother me. I'd known about it for years and all he did was try the clothes on.
Besides, once we moved in together, he didn't do it so much. Our sex life was normal too. So normal, in fact, that a few months later in November 2002, I realised I was pregnant.
'Brilliant,' Karl beamed.
I was only 17, but he earned good money as a computer engineer. So when he asked me to marry him five months later, I said yes.
Four months later, our daughter, Jessica, came along. Karl was a great dad, happy to do his share of nappy changes and night feeds. The following year, we had another daughter, Emma. Karl may still have been slipping into my dresses now and then but with the kids to look after, I barely had time to notice.
When Emma was nearly 2, we finally got round to organising our wedding. We booked Crewe Register Office for August 31st 2006. I bought a smart pair of white trousers and white blouse and the girls had matching white dresses.
'I wouldn't mind a dress myself,' said Karl.
'I think your mum might,' I laughed.
He'd never mentioned his cross-dressing to his family.
After a quick ceremony, Karl and I went for curry. The marriage was the important thing to us, not all the trimmings. Nine months later, in May this year, we had our third daughter, Amy. She was a few weeks old when I caught Karl snooping in my underwear drawer one night.
'Can I?' he asked, holding up a leopard print bra and knickers.
'Just don't stretch them,' I warned.
You might think it's weird but prancing round the house in lacy undies for half an hour didn't change who Karl was.
'You actually look better in them than me,' I said, enviously eyeing his cellulite-free thighs.
He was still a man in the ways that mattered. He put the bins out, carried the shopping. And of course, he was great in bed.
But now, as I watched him strutting round in my leopard print bra, I started to wonder…
'Do you actually want to be a woman?' I asked Karl.
Maybe I was testing him, trying to reassure myself. But I never banked on what came next.
Karl looked at the floor and nodded.
'Yes I do,' he said. 'I've tried to bury it, but I can't.'
I was horrified. We'd only been married nine months.
'Don't you think you should have thought about this before we had kids?' I yelled. 'Before we got married?'
'But I love you,' he said, as if that explained everything.
It didn't. Endless questions raced round my head. Had marriage and kids changed him? Did he feel his work as a man was over? I didn't know. But despite everything, Karl was my first love and I couldn't imagine him not being in my life.
'Do you want to go through with the actual operation?' I asked.
'I'm not sure,' he admitted.
As the realisation dawned, the tears flowed. He wouldn't be a man any more. And what about the kids?
'I still love you and fancy you,' Karl assured me.
Which I told myself was all that mattered.
That's why I accepted him as two people - the man he'd been born as, and the woman he wanted to become. Incredibly, our sex life never suffered. Karl was still all man in bed. And then he told me he wanted me to call him Lucy.
'Fancy a girls' night out?' he asked.
'You sure?' I said.
It was one thing being Lucy in our flat but what if we saw someone we knew?
Karl was determined though. So in October 2006 leaving the kids with a babysitter, we set off to a gay club in five miles away in Crewe. Karl wore tight women's jeans and a sexy black top, and tucked into his bra were a pair of fake rubber boobs I'd bought off the internet. I'd even helped him apply foundation, mascara and lipstick. It did feel weird but I wanted to make him happy. And in truth, we had a great night dancing.
After that, Lucy emerged more often at home. We even let the girls see him like that. They were too young to really understand so they just accepted it. And if I wanted to stay with Karl, I knew I had to too.
'Daddy, that's Mummy's,' Jessica giggled when she saw Karl in one of my nighties.
I told myself it was easier for them to grow up with it than have some big secret exposed when they're teenagers.
But I was worried. It felt like I was slowly losing Karl, that Lucy was taking over. And deep down, I knew that could only mean one thing.
'He's going to have a sex change,' I panicked.
The thought terrified me. How would the kids and I cope then? That was permanent. Drastic. Karl wouldn't exist any more.
'It won't come to that,' I told myself.
But soon, it seemed Karl was dropping hints all the time.
'I'm so fed up with this five o'clock shadow,' he moaned one night. 'This foundation doesn't hide it.'
Sure enough, in July this year, Karl announced he wanted to see his GP about having hormone pills. That was hard. It felt like I was losing Karl. But the closer he got to being Lucy, the happier he seemed.
'You'll have to tell you parents,' I warned him.
Karl was terrified so he asked me to go and see his mum Ruth, 54.
'I always suspected he was gay,' she said.
'It's a bit more than that,' I told her. 'He wants to be a woman.'
Of course she was shocked. It was a lot to take in. Most of our friends and family still don't know, but Karl doesn't want to hide any more.
Within weeks of starting the pills, Karl's voice got higher and he started sprouting small breasts. Then the hair stopped growing on his legs. But I don't know how we'll cope if he has full surgery to remove his penis and form a vagina.
I love Karl, but could I really have 'lesbian' sex with Lucy? I'm not sure. And while Karl says he only fancies women, who knows how he'll feel with female hormones in his body? For the moment, we're still having sex but in my heart I know I'm on borrowed time.
Karl is already having psychiatric treatment to assess his suitability for the treatment to become a woman. I do worry how people will react. And what will Jessica, 4, Emma, 3 and 5-month-old Amy have to cope with? It's all so confusing. But one thing that's clear is how much I love Karl - regardless of his sex. We vowed to love each other as man and wife. Becoming wife and wife won't change that.
Lucy, 26, says: 'I've always wanted to dress as a girl. Lorna was the first person I told and I was so grateful for her acceptance. She became my best friend, then someone I wanted to marry. But Lucy has become more me than Karl now. I want to be a real woman. Lorna's support has allowed me to be myself. I have her to thank for everything.'
If you want more gripping true life stories from Pick Me Up, try:
Whatever happened to... jilted bride Marylin Woodcock?
Born after Daddy died
Could you marry a man who liked to dress in women's clothes? Let us know in the Pick Me Up forums.