My hubby was a conman!
Phil Gray turned out to be a liar..
Tuesday 30th September 2008
As the vicar pronounced us man and wife, I melted into my husband Phil Gray's arms.
I felt so happy to have found him. He'd first knocked my socks off back in January 2005, when a colleague at the credit control firm where I worked had introduced us.
'He was an RAF helicopter pilot,' she'd told me.
'Really?' I'd gasped.
'I actually left the RAF a few years ago,' Phil, now 43, had said modestly.'I'm a legal advisor at Cheltenham Magistrates' Court. I'm studying to become a barrister.'
We'd started dating, and I soon discovered Phil had some amazing tales to tell from his RAF days.
'I was stationed in Northern Ireland during the Troubles,' he told me once. 'One day, terrorists shot our helicopter down and my co-pilot, Richard, took a bullet for me.'
Phil's eyes filled with tears.
'I managed a crash landing,' he croaked. 'Richard died in my arms.'
What a hero.
It's safe to say I fell for him hook, line and sinker. By June 2005, I'd moved into Phil's house in Cheltenham, and we were engaged. Life was wonderful. I found a job as a swimming instructor and Phil qualified as a barrister. But by our wedding day, 7 October 2006, he was still doing his old job as a legal advisor. Even so, I felt a shiver of pride as he listed his occupation as barrister at law on our marriage certificate. How had I landed such a catch?
That same pride rushed back on honeymoon in Sri Lanka, when a loud bang rocked the hotel.
'Gunfire!' Phil hissed, clutching me protectively. 'I'd know it anywhere.'
He was right. Militants had invaded the town of Galle, where we were staying.
While most of the other guests flew home, Phil puffed out his chest.
'You're safe with me, love,' he said, sending me weak with lust.
But back home, we discovered Phil's cheque for our wedding car had bounced. We'd had the gas board round to cut us off before the wedding, for non-payment of bills, so it wasn't the first time something like this had happened.
'A daft mistake,' Phil said.
We had separate bank accounts, but as he earned good money, he took care of the bills. Then, in April 2007, Phil made a confession.
'I've been having chest pains and the doctor's signed me off work.'
I was worried, as I knew he'd had a heart attack before we met. So I made him promise to take things easy. A few days later, at a local swimming class, I bumped into one of Phil's colleagues.
'Terrible about Phil being suspended from work,' she said. I froze. Suspended?
Back home, I confronted him.
'I didn't want to worry you,' he sighed. 'It's a mix-up over some missing money. I'll be back once they've investigated.'
I wanted to believe him, but a few weeks later, my mum, Barbara, 62, dropped another bombshell.
'Phil's not what he seems. He's never been in the RAF.'
'Of course he has!' I laughed.
But, apparently, one of Dad's friends had mentioned Phil's RAF past to his mum, Lillian, 63.
'That's just one of his little stories,' Lillian had replied.
Concerned, my dad, John, 62, had made some calls.
'There's no record of you serving in the Forces,' I told Phil later.
He tried to deny it at first, but then…
'I made it up,' he admitted. 'To impress you.'
So he wasn't an action hero at all. But seeing him all upset, I knew I still loved him.
'Never lie to me again,' I made him promise.
Just a week later, in September 2007, I found a letter from Phil's work saying he'd been suspended for six months. Again, Phil insisted it was a mistake, and the next day, he showed me another letter: This is to confirm your reinstatement… Any idiot could see he'd simply typed a new paragraph at the top of an old letter from his bosses. I didn't know what to think.
Things seemed to be looking up when he announced he'd been told he could go back to work.
He set off with a real spring in his step, but a doubt nagged. So the next day, I called the court.
'Phil Gray no longer works here,' I was told.
I hung up in despair. I felt as if I didn't know my husband at all.
'What's going on?' I demanded that night, hoping he'd reassure me.
Instead, he packed his bags.
'You clearly don't want to make a go of this marriage,' he snapped. 'I'm moving out.'
I was heartbroken. We'd only been married 11 months. But that heartbreak soon turned to rage when I realised Phil had left the rent and dozens of bills unpaid.
So much for my brave RAF hero. Phil was just a coward who fled when his lies caught him out. I felt humiliated and such a fool. The final insult came weeks later, when I discovered that Phil wasn't a barrister or even a legal advisor. He'd been a court usher. He'd even lied on our marriage certificate. Our divorce came through in January 2008, on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour, but I'm still sorting our debts out now. I'm seeing someone new now. It's hard to trust after Phil, but I'm getting there. Looking back, I'm still not sure what was true and what were lies. But one thing's certain. Phil Gray is no hero.
Phil refused to comment