'I've got celebrity skin'
Sunday 3rd May 2009
It's not every day Lulu invites you for a coffee and a private show. Or Shirley Bassey gets down on her hands and knees in front of you. But I've had both those experiences and more. It all started in November 2003, when I heard Blondie were playing in Brighton. It would be awesome to meet Debbie Harry, I thought. So I bought tickets for the band's show two weeks later. When I got there, I heard she was signing autographs on the tour bus. 'Want to sign my arm?' I asked cheekily when it was my turn. The moment Debbie signed her name on my right forearm, an incredible thought struck me… Could I get the autograph tattooed on my arm? I couldn't. Could I? No, it was too mad. That's me all over, though. Unique and, well, a bit crazy.
The next day, I caught the bus to the nearest tattoo parlour. 'I'd like this turned into a tattoo,' I said. The burly tattoo artist barely raised an eyebrow. Afterwards, I walked down the street in a daze. Had I really just done that? For £15, I'd got a really unique piece of artwork… on my body! When I got home, my mum, Chris, 59, was impressed. 'That's so cool,' she smiled. It got me thinking how nice it would be to meet other performers I admired. So when I heard Lulu was playing at the Plymouth Pavilion, I got a ticket and turned up early. Her car arrived not long afterwards. 'Want to come in?' she asked me and the three other fans who were waiting. 'You'll catch your death out here.' With that, she led us into the venue. 'Do you want to watch the rehearsal?' she smiled. 'I'll get you some coffees.' I couldn't believe it, Lulu was offering me coffee! Minutes later, I'd found myself watching a private performance of Shout. Gobsmacked doesn't come close.
Lulu was so amazing, I arranged to see her again in Oxford, two days later, arriving early so I could ask her if she'd sign my other arm. 'You were the only one dancing in Plymouth,' she smiled as she put her pen to my wrist. She remembered me! 'I'm getting this tattooed on afterwards,' I explained. During the show, I ended up with a drumstick and I decided to get that signed too, sending it backstage with my name. But as I stood outside, waiting to get it back, a woman came out. 'Is Zoe here? Lulu isn't happy. She wants you to come inside…' My mouth was dry as I headed back inside. Why was Lulu cross? Did she think I was cheeky for getting her autograph tattooed? When I got backstage, she was sat in a posh room. 'I'm not happy with where I signed earlier,' she said. 'Your wrist's so tiny, I'm worried the tattoo will hurt too much. Can I put my name somewhere with a bit more meat?' 'Of course,' I laughed, passing her my arm so she could write further up. I walked away on cloud nine.
It was two years before I found another great lady who could make it onto my hall of fame. I heard Shirley Bassey was doing a tour. 'She's incredible,' I said excitedly to Mum while booking a seat at the NEC in Birmingham in June 2006. When my tickets arrived, they were for the front row! Did I dare ask her in front of thousands of people? Time was running out when I suddenly plucked up the courage. Never mind diamonds being forever, my tattoos were what mattered most. 'D-dame Shirley. I'd be honoured if you'd sign my arm for my next tattoo,' I stuttered. 'My first signature tattoo!' she said into the microphone. 'I've never been this low on stage but…' And with that, she dropped to her knees to reach my arm. All 7,000 fans roared. Now, I really was on a roll.
Eight months later, in February 2007, I decided to go to the Baftas in London. I spotted Penelope Cruz heading down the red carpet and I couldn't help myself. 'Sign me!' I cried. And she did, on my arm. Seven months on, I saved up to go back to London for the Bafta's 60th birthday bash. Celine Dion was making an appearance and, as she passed, I knew exactly what to do. 'Right here on my shoulder,' I urged. 'But can you keep it small? I'm going to get it tattooed tomorrow. Celine didn't say a word as she took my pen, which I thought a bit odd, until a fellow fan explained. 'She likes to save her voice before performances,' he said.
A month later, I heard Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood was signing copies of his autobiography. 'I don't want a book signing,' I told his security staff. 'I want myself signing.' Ronnie's people said it was OK as long as Jo, his wife, didn't mind. Luckily, she agreed. I've got It's only rock n' roll but I like it on my back and Ronnie grinned when he saw it. 'Hey, that's cool!' Ronnie laughed as I felt the pen tip touch my skin. To top off an incredible day, I heard Kylie was premiering her documentary, White Diamond, at a cinema in Leicester Square. It was well worth the wait outside the cinema before she emerged and agreed to sign my inner elbow. Another month on, I came back to London for the premier of the film Beowulf. I was gunning for Angelina Jolie as my next tattoo target. I stood on my bags as she passed the barrier, and she agreed to sign straight away. Next, I heard Grace Jones was playing at Colston Hall in Bristol, in January 2009, and I headed down early. 'After the show…' she said, sweeping past. So afterwards, I waited by the stage door. By 2am, I was cold, fed up and ready for home. By 3am, I felt like I was developing hypothermia. Thankfully, just after that, Grace emerged. 'Are you the girl who wants her back signed?' she asked. 'OK, where you do want me to write?' 'Underneath Ronnie Wood would be nice,' I grinned. 'My friend, Ronnie!' Grace said.
A month later, hanging outside the Brit Awards at Earl's Court, I managed to get a signature from U2's The Edge on my left arm, along with Lionel Richie's. Finally, on 27 February, I managed to bag Bono. The only person who's ever turned me down is Diana Ross. 'I can't sign your skin,' she said, shocked, mid-concert. I wouldn't let just anyone sign me. A reality TV star has no chance! But my tattoos are a real conversation piece, and now people are hearing about me, I'm even getting a taste of fame myself. Some people wrote on the internet that I looked like a child had scribbled all over me in crayon, but I like all the different colours. Every single tattoo brings back a good memory. And, besides, I think it's inspiring. Don't you?