Get fit with Chubby Mikey
Saturday 24th January 2009
What mum doesn't think their son is the cutest boy in the world? I certainly did anyway. Flicking through photographs of Mikey, I felt so proud. With those dimpled, chubby cheeks and podgy legs, my boy was gorgeous. And naked as the day he was born. It wasn't an album of baby pictures making me soppy, though. It was Mikey's naked calendar.
'Well done, love,' I smiled.
How many mums would enjoy flicking through a calendar of their naked 29-year-old son? Especially if, like Mikey, they weighed 34st. But to me, my son's size had never mattered.
He'd started piling on the weight at the age of 4. Like all kids, he loved chocolate and crisps, but he got plenty of exercise, so I thought he'd lose his puppy fat eventually. But by the time he'd turned 5, he was overweight, gaining a stone and a half a year. Worried, I went to the doctor's.
'Do you eat junk food?' he asked.
'No more than anyone else,' I replied. 'Plus I always make sure he has plenty of fruit and veg.'
Countless blood tests and body scans later, no one could figure out why Mikey was getting so big.
'It could be genetic,' the doctor told me eventually. 'But don't worry, he's healthy.'
He was happy too, and popular, so I took the doctor's advice and didn't worry. And neither did Mikey. Singing in talent shows , top of the class at school, popular with his classmates… Mikey didn't let his weight let him down. But he wasn't exactly a hit with the girls, which is why I wasn't that surprised when he confided in me at 18.
'I'm gay, Mum,' he whispered, in the kitchen one morning.
'I'm glad you told me,' I smiled, stretching my arms around him.
After that, we became closer than ever. Even when Mikey left school at 18, got a job in finance and bought his own home, we saw each other nearly every day. I'd pop over to his house in Memphis, Tennessee, or he'd bring his latest boyfriend around for my approval.
In Mikey's case, the saying opposites attract was certainly true. His boyfriends were always fit, muscly hunks. But they loved Mikey despite him weighing more than 30st by then.
'If Mum doesn't like you, we're through,' he'd joke, as I looked them up and down.
But as well as loving a laugh, he had a sensitive side too. When my mum passed away in February 2007, I was devastated. I'd spent the previous few years caring for her, and couldn't bear the thought of living in the house we'd shared without her there. So I phoned Mikey in tears.
'Can I live with you?' I sobbed. 'I don't want to be on my own.'
He didn't hesitate.
'Of course,' he said.
A week later, I moved my stuff into Mikey's place. Living with him, I could really see how active he was, despite his size. He did stretches every morning and swam every night.
And not long after I moved in, Mikey confessed he was planning a different activity altogether. He walked into the kitchen one morning with a strange look on his face.
'I've got something to tell you,' he said. 'I'm going to shoot a calendar.'
I nodded.
'A naked calendar,' he added.
I nearly choked on my coffee as he explained his mate, Martin, had suggested it as a joke.
'But after we stopped laughing about it, we decided it was a good idea,' he explained.
'Why?' I asked.
'Lots of men and women fancy bigger people,' he shrugged. 'Why should you only be able to buy a calendar full of stick insects?'
He had a point.
And if the men Mikey had been out with over the years were anything to go by, it was true that lots of people did seem to find bigger men attractive. But then my motherly instincts kicked in.
'It won't be smutty will it?' I worried.
'Just a bit of fun,' he reassured me.
That's what I tried to tell myself when, a week later, he handed me the finished calendar.
I braced myself and started flicking through. January was a side view, taken in black and white.
'Tasteful,' I said.
For February he was turned more towards the camera. May was him in a field with cow horns on his head, like Taurus the bull, and as for August…
'Wow!' I gasped.
There, in all his glory, was my son posing on all- fours, completely naked, with folds of flesh hanging down for all the world to see.
'At least you've kept your modesty hidden,' I gulped.
Which was true. Although he was naked in all the pictures, his spare tyres meant you couldn't see any rude bits.
'I'm glad you like it,' he said. 'I'm going to sell them on a website called Chubbymikey.com.'
I wasn't sure what the response would be, but a couple of weeks later, Mikey had some good news.
'You won't believe how many orders I'm getting,' he grinned. 'I'm turning people away.'
'Yeah, right!' I laughed.
But he'd sold hundreds of calendars for £9.50, each.
I always thought I was Mikey's biggest fan, but since the calendar's been on sale, I've been joined by hundreds of others. We only have to walk down the street and there will be drivers honking their horns, and strangers stopping him to say hello. Just the other day, we nipped out to the shops and a girl came rushing over to us.
'I love your calendar,' she gushed to him excitedly.
After she walked away, I turned to Mikey.
'I'm so proud of you,' I told him.
In fact the 2009 calendar has been such a huge success, he's already working on one for 2010. He's got another new scheme in the pipeline, too. A fitness DVD to show you don't have to be skinny to be fit. It's bound to be a hit. It's only a matter of time before thousands of people will be getting hot and sweaty with my Mikey!