Family first
Sunday 8th November 2009
It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but as I looked at the disappointment etched across my son Ryan's face, I wasn't so sure. 'It's OK, Mum,' he said, swallowing hard. 'If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.'
It was 2008, and Ryan, 24, had just been kicked out of ITV's The X Factor. He'd sailed through the first round of auditions, singing He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother. 'I can see you going far,' Simon Cowell had commented. And Dannii Minogue had been impressed by Ryan's good looks.
But the nerves had got the better of him in boot camp and he'd been rejected. 'It's all right, Mum,' he said as I gave him a hug. 'Some things just aren't meant to be.'
The poor thing was being so brave that it just made me feel even more disappointed. A week later, with him back to his military post in The Queen's Dragoon Guards in Germany, X Factor seemed like a distant memory.
It was so sad. Ever since he'd been able to talk, Ryan had had two loves, singing and wanting to join the army like his dad, Mike, and older brothers, twins Neil and Lee, 32. But when he'd signed up at 19, I'd been worried.
'Look after yourself,' I'd made him promise. 'Don't worry Mum,' he'd grinned. He'd become a popular member of his troop and had decided to try out for The X Factor as a tribute to all his fellow soldiers who'd lost their lives for queen and country.
'Being in the army is like being part of a big family,' he'd told me. 'And you've got to look out for your family.' Which was why it broke my heart to see his dreams lying in tatters.
But then, three months after The X Factor aired, Ryan called me with some exciting news. 'You won't believe this,' he babbled. 'I've had a call from a music bigwig called Jeff. He saw me on YouTube and wants to know if I'll audition for his band.' 'That's fantastic, love,' I gasped.
Ryan explained that Jeff was putting together a band of real-life soldiers. It sounded like a dream come true. A chance to combine the two things he loved the most. A couple of weeks on, Jeff had signed him to the band. 'I'm so proud, love,' I cried when he told me.
The band, called The Soldiers, was made up of Ryan and two other soldiers, Sergeant Major Gary Chilton and Sergeant Richie Maddocks. They were allowed to be stationed within the UK for a couple of months while they recorded the album.
But during that time, Ryan phoned every day to let me know me how it was going. 'We're even recording a version of He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother,' he told me one evening. I gulped back tears of pride.
Which is more than I could manage when I went to the Royal Albert Hall to watch the band perform. As I looked at the stage and at my son in his uniform, I was in floods. 'This is our way of giving something back to our brothers and sisters who've sacrificed so much for their country,' Ryan said.
It made me realise how lucky I was. And how lucky Ryan was. It just shows he was right about The X Factor too. Some things just aren't meant to be. That 'no' from the judges might well have been the best thing to have happened to Ryan yet.
The Soldiers' debut album, Coming Home, is available now. For more information, visit
www.the-soldiers.co.uk