Bump in the night
Sunday 31st May 2009
You've probably heard all the April Fools gags going. There's the one where you pretend your mate's house is on fire, or maybe you put salt in the sugar pot. You may even have tried the clingfilm on the toilet seat trick. Well, when my dad, Steve Sherman, 41, rang up my boyfriend Mark Broady, 21, on 1 April this year, to tell him I'd had a baby, he thought it was just a wind-up. 'She's not even pregnant,' he scoffed. 'Nice try, Steve.' But my dad was insistent. 'You need to get round here now,' he said. 'See for yourself.' It was only when Mark turned up and saw me sitting on the bed in a daze, clutching a newborn, with the umbilical cord still dangling between my legs, that he realised it wasn't a joke. And no one was laughing. Least of all me!
At 3am that morning, I'd been lying in bed, holding my belly as jabbing pains tore at my insides. All I wanted was an hour's kip. Was that too much to ask? I'd been working hard all day as a carer, looking after elderly people. One of my patients had been ill with sickness and diarrhoea and now, it looked as though I had it too. Writhing with pain in my sweat-soaked sheets, I threw the duvet off. Whoosh. A jet of water cascaded down my leg. Oh God. Had I wet myself? And that's when I heard it. A short, sharp, bird-like cry. What the…?
I looked down and saw something jutting between my legs. Pink and covered with yellow goo and blood. Hang on… was that hair? Then, a wave of pain ripped through me and a slippery bundle shot from between my legs, into my hands. No, it couldn't be… But it was. Staring up at me, with big blue eyes, was a baby. I don't know who looked more shocked. Me, or the baby still attached to an umbilical cord. 'I can't be,' I spluttered. 'I'm not even pregnant.' I'd been on the Pill for two years. I'd put on weight, but there had been no morning sickness, no pain, no cravings. Nothing.
Grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around the baby, scooped up the umbilical cord in my other hand and hobbled into my parents' bedroom. 'Mum, help me,' I croaked. 'What is it?' she asked, rubbing her eyes. 'Are you sick?' 'No, I've just had a baby,' I wailed. Mum shot out of bed. When she caught sight of the baby in my arms, her face paled. 'Oh my God,' she cried. 'I can't believe it.' She called an ambulance while Dad called Mark. Reeling with shock, I stumbled back into my bedroom and stared in amazement at my baby.
Questions raced through my mind. Was he OK? I hadn't taken folic acid, hadn't had scans. Plus, Mark had pulmonary stenosis, a heart condition. What if the baby had it too? Luckily, the paramedic arrived and said my baby was healthy. As his tiny hands curled around my little finger, I felt a rush of love. But how would Mark react? 'It's true,' he spluttered, a few minutes later when he burst through the front door. His eyes were as big as saucers. Both of us were utterly speechless. When the midwife arrived, she removed the placenta and Mark cut the cord. I handed him his son, and watched tears spring to his eyes. Mum was pale-faced, and when it was her turn to hold the baby, she sobbed: 'I'm a gran.' But the midwife soon snapped us back to reality, 'Do you have clothes?' she asked. 'Or a car seat?” 'Of course not,' Mum said. 'We had no idea she was pregnant.'
Frantically, she called our family. 'Can you come over?' she stuttered to my grandad, Paul, 60. 'Corrin's had a baby.' 'Pull the other one,' Grandad laughed. 'I'm going back to sleep.' It was only when she started to cry he realised she wasn't joking. One by one, my family filed through the front door. My aunties, Marina Sherman, 42, and Tina Mutton, 42, my grandparents, Ann, 59, and Paul, and Mark's parents, Wendy, 51, and Steve, 50.
Mark and I had never discussed being parents. How would we afford it? I'd only just started my new job, and Mark couldn't support us on the wage he earned at a local chip shop. 'Mum, I'm scared,' I sobbed. 'How will I cope?' 'We'll muddle through,' she said. At Stroud Maternity Hospital, I had a check-up, and Mark and I decided to call our baby Jayden. We sat together on my bed and sent a text message to our friends. I'm in hospital, I wrote. I've just had a baby. Yeah right, my friend Linda Westaway, 21, texted back. Tell us the next joke. You didn't fool me, another mate wrote. Happy April Fools. It was only when I took Jayden home three days on that my friends realised I was telling the truth. Seven weeks on, I'm still reeling. But one thing's for certain, looking after Jayden is no joke!