Around the world with Elvis!
Wednesday 22nd October 2008
There aren't many people who'd have a go at Elvis. One of the world's most popular entertainers, he's sold over a billion records worldwide and is one of the most fancied blokes of all time. Me? I thought he was crap. No, not the Elvis Presley. Rather my boyfriend, Matt Hale, 38, and his rubbish attempt at fancy dress.
'What do you think?' he grinned, standing in front of me with his hands on his hips.
His Elvis outfit consisted of a flimsy polyester jumpsuit with a red scarf, black nylon
wig and shades.
'You look…' I began.
'Crap?' he said, finishing my sentence.
That was one word for it.
'I know it is, but I love it,' he grinned. 'I've decided to take it travelling with us…'
Sinking onto the settee, I listened as Matt went on. And on. It was December 2007, and in
a month's time, the pair of us were heading off on a once-in-a-lifetime dream trip round the world. I'd been given unpaid leave from my job in a bank, and Matt had quit his job as a radio producer. It hadn't been an easy decision. We'd had to remortgage our home in Perth, Western Australia, and we'd be away from our family and friends for a whole year.
But I knew it would be worth it, seeing the world's most famous sights, meeting
new people. It was the biggest adventure ever… So why did Matt have to do it dressed as Elvis?
'We've got to bring him with us,' he went on. 'We can take pictures of me in the suit
in front of all the famous landmarks that we come across.'
'But you're not that big a fan,' I said, baffled.
'Who cares?' he shrugged. 'It'll be fun.'
Anything for an easy life. So I agreed.
'Bet you didn't think you'd be going on holiday with Elvis,' he said, lovingly folding up the suit a few weeks on, as we finished our packing.
'Too right,' I scoffed. 'He's been dead 30 years!'
Not that you'd know it by the first stop on our travels, a town called Parkes in New South Wales, where we just happened to arrive in time for an Elvis convention. There were thousands of them. You couldn't see for the gleam of shiny rhinestones, and the streets echoed with the sounds of 'Uh-huh-huhs'. And safe to say, of all the Elvis's that we met, Matt's costume was the worst by miles.
'Crap suit mate,' a passing fellow Elvis laughed when we arrived.
'I know,' Matt smiled. 'Cheers, mate.'
He was loving it, and even I had to admit, it was a giggle.
When we got there, I held tightly onto Matt's hand so I didn't lose him
in the sea of lacquered quiffs, and he led me straight to a sign-up sheet for an Elvis Presley
soundalike contest.
'Be rude not to give it a go,' he said.
And hours later, I stood in a massive crowd, watching Matt sing the classic hit Burning Love.
Well not so much sing, as shout.
'I'm just a hunk,' he bellowed, hips jerking wildly, 'of burning love.'
When he finished, I ran over to meet him.
'Come on then, hunk,' I said, leading him away as half the crowd booed at him and the other half cheered his sheer nerve.
Needless to say he came last out of all 30 performers, and was thrilled.
'Just how Crap Elvis would have wanted it,' he grinned.
Within days, it was time to leave Australia, and embark on Elvis's first and only world tour.
First stop was Easter Island, with its eerie statues. Or as we saw it, the perfect place to start our Crap Elvis snapshots. And I took the role of official photographer.
'Stick your chin out a bit more,' I called, as Matt lined up among the famous carvings.
Next, we went to Brazil.
'Straighter arms,' I ordered, squinting through the camera as Matt stood next to the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio.
Whether we were in the lost Inca city of Machu Picchu in Peru, topping up our tans on a baking Miami beach or testing the strength of his Elvis quiff while riding rollercoasters in Orlando, Matt and his Elvis suit could not be parted. So as you'd imagine, before long,
it had developed a bit of a pong.
'It's supposed to be Crap Elvis because it looks rubbish,' I scolded. 'Not because that's
what you smell like.'
'I can't help it,' he protested. 'It's just seems to hold the sweat.'
Gross. I managed to peel it off him long enough to give it a good scrub.
By June, we hit Mexico, LA, and Elvis' spiritual home, Las Vegas, before landing in Matt's home country, the UK. I'd been over with Matt before to visit his family. But I'd never seen London with Elvis. In a city with as many landmarks as London, we were never short of an Elvis photo opportunity. But my favourite was outside Buckingham Palace.
'His wig's bigger than yours!' I teased as I took a picture of Matt next to a guard wearing a bearskin helmet. After a few days with Matt's family in Welwyn Garden City, we went to Austria to catch a bit of Euro 2008 football.
Now, the rubbish Elvis suit had caused a bit of a stir wherever we'd been, but here, people were going crazy for it, coming up to shake Matt's hand and posing for pictures.
'This must be how the real Elvis felt…' he said, smiling smugly.
I burst his bubble a few days later, when I pointed out that all the adoration was down to the fact that the Elvis suit just so happened to be the same colours as the Austrian football team's kit.
In Amsterdam, Matt swapped his Blue Suede Shoes,for a pair of huge yellow clogs. In Italy, he ate like the real Elvis once he got stuck into the pizza. Then in Paris, we went straight to the Louvre, the world's most famous art gallery, and home of da Vinci's Mona Lisa.
We'd only got halfway round the gallery when…
'Excusez-moi,' said a very unimpressed-looking security guard. 'You have to leave. You are not wearing the right clothes.'
Turns out that Elvis wasn't welcome at the Louvre with its strict dress code…
'But there are people here wearing sandals and socks,' Matt moaned as we were led outside. 'That's a much bigger crime against fashion.'
But the security guard wasn't having any of it and wasn't happy until Elvis had left the building.
Thankfully we were more welcome at other famous landmarks, like the Eiffel Tower
and Notre Dame. So far, Matt, Elvis and I have visited 17 countries. It's been a blast seeing how people have reacted to the world's most famous dead singer rocking up at all these famous landmarks. To say that we've left them All Shook Up is an understatement.
In fact the only place Matt didn't stand out like a sore thumb was the Rio de Janeiro carnival in Brazil, and that's only because all the other costumes were so bonkers. We've still got eight countries left on our round-the-world trip, and who knows what mischief Crap Elvis has in store. One thing's for sure, it's going to be a laugh. After all, how many girls can
say they've been round the world with Elvis? Even if he is crap.
Follow Elvis and Kathryn at
www.crapelvis.blogspot.com